Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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