Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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