no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were destined to go to rehab together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
