Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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