You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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