tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
