I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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