I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
