Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
