Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
