i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize