Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
