Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
