the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
