i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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