Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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