so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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