He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
