i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
