She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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