I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
