dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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