he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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