Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
