doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
