Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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