I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
