her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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