JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
