Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
