To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
