Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
