Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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