I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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