My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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