I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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