I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
