I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
