yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
