I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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