It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
