Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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