there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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