What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
