Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
