Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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