what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
