Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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