The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
