just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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