i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
