Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my liver is dry heaving
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
