I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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