I want to have your abortion
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
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bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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