Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
