Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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