Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
