I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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