I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.