I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.