that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.