everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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