FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
