yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize