I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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