Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
