i think my tv is drunk
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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