she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
