so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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