I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
