Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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