this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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