Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
