Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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