john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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