I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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